Wednesday, December 15, 2010

1 Corinthians 12

Each one has a gift from the Spirit that will accomplish the purpose He intends.  But what if you just don't understand how your gift works or what "benefit" you bring to the body.  Referencing my gifting of mercy, I struggle with the purpose of the gift of tears.  Just what does that do?  How does this encourage or edify?  I can't be trusted with areas of great need for I know that I just want to help the hurting stop.  My "mercy" blinds me to where tough love must come into play.  I understand the manifestation is for the common good; but I just don't see goodness coming from me or my "contribution".  Unless we buy stock in Kleenex.

I feel like I am whining; but I am not wishing for another gift...I just want to operate in the fullness of who He created me to be and to utilize the wiring He gave me.  I know there must be a place or purpose; but in my life, I haven't recognized it. I have prayed and continue praying that God would teach me the ways He would have me operate for His glory...and still I cry and cry and that really doesn't do anything. 

I have come to see that often my heart leads my head and I make decisions that I would cringe for my children to make.   I have learned that I must be listening very carefully to hear the Spirit direct me, else it could be disastrous.  I am still being scolded by a friend for a ride I gave to a stranger from the side of I-95...of course, I am grateful God took care of me; but at the moment, I was wanting to help and being naive...I pulled over. 

And the flip side of this thing, is I am so very tenderhearted.  God is growing me up; but He still has to talk me down from many an insecurity situation, (I do know that my significance is from Him, really!).  Then, I am concerned about how things are received by others...when someone says something, it just plays back in my mind about how another could have taken it.  An example is someone said something Sunday which triggered a response in me causing concern for how two people (I don't even know) in particular and a few others in general may have taken it.  That sat on me (and still is).  I prayed for the right effect to be received, for the one who spoke (who I know meant no ill), and for God to be glorified in that.  Now, why on earth would someone else's words be able to have that effect on me for others?  And it's like that all the time...

So, maybe I will go and read your post and all of this will clarify for me.  ...  It was encouraging to continue praying and to have another acknowledge the responsibility to receive and implement; but I still feel like I am stuck at the box...without assembly instructions.

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