2 Samuel 13

AARRGGGHHHH!!!! Sometimes, family is the worst, safe place, the advice is toxic and the consequences are horrendous. Grudges are not easily forgotten, revenge is planned full-time and vulnerabilities are huge. Lord, even when we think we are well-off in our personal lives, minimally dysfunctional in our “happy,” little families, not nearly as complicated as someone else we know; as we know no differently, we are still messed up. I need You more than ever to be my Counselor, my Advisor, my Relationship-Director. I.NEED.YOU. Left to my own ways, I would ruin generations of family members, violate the trust and sacred responsibilities of motherhood, sisterhood, daughterhood, wife. God, my motives are impure and selfish. I have a flare for the pushed-envelop. I bore easily and distract even quicker. God, I would (and have) annihilate anything good in my life if I were my own manager. I praise You that You are my Authority, my Governor, my Teacher, my Standard and my Indwelling Spirit. You are Holy and You bring the holy to me; Your holiness and purpose transform my immoral and amoral proclivities and passions. You inform my conscience. You change my priorities. God, I thank You that I am not who I have been and that You have not and will not relinquish me to my sin and stinkin’ flesh nature. I pray that in the “course of time” that I would grow more in love with You and my flesh would better crucified on a daily basis. I choose to serve You not me, not my flesh, not my preference. I choose You, my God, my Savior, my Rock and Redeemer. I thank You that You do not ignore wrong, You do not disengage when sin happens, You remember who has done what and to whom. And that Your willing payment covers all of this I do and that is done by others. Curious, yet perfect. I praise Your plan and Your knowledge.